You Can Feel His Disease
by Aliexandrie
Summary: why would a timid book worm like him fall for an obnoxious ' bad boy ' like sirius ?


**DISCLAIMER : **i don't own sirius black or remus lupin .

* * *

It was the single most magnificent creature Remus Lupin had ever seen.

Its fur was rich and auburn, and its body so compact and lean; it was the face, however, that won him over. Its eyes were the color of mahogany and held all the innocence and bubbling life of a newborn baby. They peered up from a thin, smooth face, staring blatantly and unyieldingly into his own, drawing him closer as though by some form of magic. For all he knew, the dog could have had magical abilities. Its appearance would have been enough.

As little Remus sidled closer to the animal, its chops split open for a soft, endearing whimper, and remained there, a long pink tongue lulling out. The way his face pulled upwards, the functioning of the muscles in his lips gave every appearance that the puppy was smiling up at him. His heart had never been so soft. His hand slid into the cage without a thought, moving over the creatures soft face, stroking back an ear. From its seated position, the dog inched forward until he was right up next to his visitor, leaning into the hand that pet him. Entranced by those canine features, so humanlike and inviting, the first grader hadn't noticed that his father had come up behind him until his shoulder was grasped.

"Oh! Daddy-- can we get him? Pleaseplease_please_ can we. He's so beautiful." Remus couldn't ever remember wanting something so badly in his entire life. All six years hadn't produced such a longing as he felt for the tail-wagging, hand-licking creature still pressed under his stroking fingers. Even as he spoke the puppy let out a grumbling whine, as though accenting his proclamation. The negative from his father came harsh and swift, but Remus would not be deterred. "But Dad- come pet him! He's so soft, and he'll lick your hand, look," Remus was kneeling by the cage as he spoke, his knees meeting the cement floor of the pet store as he pressed his hand towards the puppy's smiling lips. It wasn't a second before the pink tongue made it's reappearance and was slobbering over his little hand, tickling the boys ribs and making him giggle.

"I said no, Remus. Leave it alone. We're going." The hand on his shoulder tightened painfully and his own hand fell away from the dog with a soft gasp. He just couldn't tear his eyes off of it. "But… I'll take care of him, all by myself, and I--"

"Remus John. We are _not getting it_. One dog in the house is quite enough." It was quiet, so as not to make a scene, and yet the hissing words had the same effect as they would had they been screamed. Remus immediately looked away from his heart's desire and up into his father's irate face, his own a mask of disbelief and pain. Guilt had settled into his innocent gut, and he was silent the rest of the time, though he still couldn't help his eyes from wandering back to the precious pooch. He didn't get much longer to ogle, for as soon as his father had purchased the flee collar and pet deodorizer he had come for, they hurried out the front door.

--

It wasn't even a full week before Remus had returned. Despite his father's biting words and insistence that he was enough of a pet for the whole family, what with his furry little problem and all, Remus couldn't resist. The store was only a few blocks from his muggle elementary school, so it wasn't hard for him to sneak away, back to retrieve what he felt was rightfully his. He wanted that dog, damn it.

Hurrying into the pet store, Remus broke straight for the back room, where the adoptions were to take place, praying with all his heart that his puppy was still there.  
He was.  
A deep sigh of relief escaped his little body as the precious creature came into sight and he crouched down in front of the cage carefully, balancing on the balls of his small feet. "I came back for you." He explained happily, reaching through the bars to scratch behind the dog's ears. It had come running once it saw him and its tail was wagging like mad. As Remus scratched, the puppy's ears fell back and his eyebrows, or what could have been described as such, seemed to rise and fall in a sign of pleasure, giving Remus the further impression of humanity. He _had_ to have this dog.

"Is there something I can help you with, sweetie?" Remus jumped as a woman spoke behind him and he turned quickly to look at her, his hand retracting from the cage as though he feared punishment.  
"Ahh-- I want this dog, please." His cheeks had flushed with the stress of having to talk to the adult woman all by himself, but he stood exceptionally straight and tall, trying to look as old and confident as he possibly could.  
"He's beautiful, isn't he?" The woman seemed to brush off his request as she smiled condescendingly down at him, her fat hand moving to ruffle his dog's fluffy red ear. Remus stared at the part of the employee that was at his eyes level-- her stomach -- as he gathered his nerve to speak again. His eyes swept over the vast width of the woman before settling in the single, ample roll of flesh that hung contentedly over her belted pants.  
"I'd like to take him home. Please." Remus smiled the best he possibly could and the woman returned the gesture, multiple smiles forming from her many chins, pressed together with the downward tilt of her head. It was an intimidating site and Remus had the fleeting thought that this must be what it was like to be faced with the Cheshire cat.  
"You have to be a _little_ order to adopt an animal, love, I'm sorry. Can I help you find your parents?" The distress on Remus's round face should have been answer enough for the woman. He could feel his heart breaking as he looked back towards the dog, who had now been letting out soft moaning grunts for the last few minutes in order to regain his attention. He couldn't leave him here-- what if some terrible person came and got him? What if he stayed here forever and never found a home?

As his sorrow mounted and his anger as his father began to climb, he clenched his fists tightly at his sides. Why couldn't they have a dog? He saw no reason. Sure, the first grader had to wear a flee collar for a day or two after the full moon, and sure, their basement reeked like wet dog, but Remus couldn't understand why a real pet would be so terrible to have. He would take care of it, and it would keep him company. His stupid father was just selfish. With a particularly frustrated huff of anger, Remus turned away from the lumpy woman in front of him at the same moment his puppy's cage popped open. There was no one near it, he hadn't even been touching it, and it had just flown open. The beautiful dog inside leapt out immediately and made for the door, causing the employee to cry out in surprise and horror. Remus had never been happier.

Calling after the dog, Remus raced down the street, his legs moving as fast as they ever had, his heart tight with fear that the creature would turn onto the busy road, or disappear in the bushes. With a particularly loud shout, however, the dog skidded to a halt and tilted its head back to look at him. Remus couldn't help the smile on his face, one so wide and prominent it was making his cheeks ache. Upon reaching the dog, it began to walk again, slowly now, remaining in range so that Remus could stroke his magnificent head. "You can come home with me, Romulus." He had just decided on the name that very second, recalling a story his mother had once told him about the origins of his own name. Romulus and Remus, the brothers that built the great city of Rome. It fit him, Remus thought. The puppy seemed to like it, anyway, for after the boy spoke, the dog's chops split back open for a string of panting breath and a cheek lifting smile. Remus felt his heart soar.

--

It wasn't difficult sneaking the dog in. He was big, probably a year or two old, but he fit nicely in Remus's large closet. Since his parents weren't home when he arrived, he had time to gather supplies. Two bowls were nicked from the cabinets in the kitchen and one was filled with water, the other with breakfast cereal. After placing those under his hanging winter coat, a large blanket was obtained as well as his favorite stuffed bear. "Here, Romulus! I want you to have this. He's a good sleeping buddy." Remus had never been happier. After the dog had eaten its inappropriate meal, it pranced back over to its new owner and took a seat right at his feet, facing him. "Do you like it?" The dog seemed to reply positively.

Remus had thought it all out. His parents left just a few minutes before he did for school every morning, which would give him time to take Romulus out for a bathroom break and get him some breakfast. He also arrived home from school before his parents, if only by ten minutes, but that was all the time he needed to repeat the morning routine. Remus had never been so proud of himself-- he figured he was probably the most clever little boy in all of England.

--

Romulus was with him for three of the happiest weeks of his life. His plan seemed to be working flawlessly, and neither of his parents apparently suspected a thing. The smell of dog was always prevalent in the Lupin household, so that went unnoticed, and the extra missing food was blamed on the growing appetite of the young boy. Every night, as soon as he was tucked in, Remus would hurry to his closet and let his little secret free. Romulus would bound onto his bed and snuggled into him as soon as he too took to the comforters. Nights were so much warmer. Nightmares were easily kept at bay by the stroking of little fingers, the twisting of long, soft fur around fretful digits. He no longer suffered from nightly relivings of his bite, no longer awoke feeling the dreadful pain in his ribs or arm. Things were so much more peaceful, so much happier with Romulus pressed against him.

Unfortunately, as their third week together came to a close, things took a turn for the worst. Not only was the full moon just a day away, but Romulus began to act weird. He would spend even longer amounts of time napping, shorter amounts of time outside. His stomach had become hard and rounded, and he had thrown up more than once. Remus feared he was giving him the wrong food and that it was hurting him. The night before the full moon, he lay awake, his skin prickling and itching all over under the scrutiny of the moon shimmering through his window, his fingers twitching and grabbing compulsively as they stroked down ruffled red fur and he murmured soft apologies to the puppy at his side. He didn't mean to make him sick-- he had no money for real dog food. Perhaps next week he could sneak into his mother's purse and be lucky enough to find some. Just a bag would be good; he figured he could mix it in with what he had been feeding him. That way it would last longer.

That moon was the most vivid transformation of his childhood. To this day he still remembers it as though it were yesterday. The moon had been so bright it had hurt his eyes to look at it. He had supplied his pet with extra food and water for the morning and placed down newspaper incase Romulus couldn't hold it until Remus was well enough to take him out. He had never been so nervous-- he could only pray his father would stay away from his room. With a hard hug to his ailing puppy, Remus had left him for the night and met his father in the backyard, by their old tool shed. The sun was just barely below the horizon, and Remus was already beginning to shiver and tremble. His father waited in silence as the boy, hidden from the neighbors by the dusk and the shadow of the shed, stripped off his nice night clothes and handed them over to him. Once there was no more fabric left on him (his mother feared that good clothes would be ruined should he leave them on), the little brunet boy climbed up into the rickety shed, his unsteady fingers pulling at the scratchy blanket that lay in a heap on the floor in order to cover himself. Though it was nearly summer, it was still chilly at night. There was the click of the lock and the sound of his father's whispering voice, casting spells on the shed around him in order to contain the beast he would soon become. Once the sound outside ceased, Remus hurried to the barred window to call goodnight to his father, only to find the yard already deserted. Then it was just a waiting game.

The game hadn't lasted long, for within a half an hour, his transformation had started. He had only had a few before, being particularly new to the experience, but this he remembered as the worst. He could feel his every bone breaking and searing back into place, feel his flesh stretching until it ripped free of his expanding muscles and was replaced. Every single hair that sprouted was like a red hot needle, ramming into his smooth pale skin. He screamed so loud for so long, he was surprised that his father hadn't come to check on him, that the silencing charm he had cast could keep such volume suppressed. He was sure his voice would never come back.

The real trouble didn't come until the next morning. His mother had collected him early and tucked his worn out form into his bed to get some sleep. Unfortunately, he was missing school because of it. Fortunately, he had a puppy to keep him company. He had rested for a good three hours before his mother announced to him she was running to the food store and that his father would be home in a few minutes. Remus was eager for her to leave, for he could hear Romulus begin to whine behind the door of his closet. Once they were alone, the dog leapt out and bounced around his room before hurrying to the door. Bathroom break, then back to Remus's bedroom for another nap. He was always so exhausted after the moon-- apparently, wolves didn't like to sleep. He was an hour into his second nap of the day when he heard his door open and his heart just stopped beating. He was awake in an instant, but he kept his eyes determinedly closed as his arms tightened around Romulus's neck, his breathing stopping. Maybe he wouldn't see. Silly, juvenile thought.

"I told you no, Remus." His voice was dangerous, and Remus knew the tone well. His eyes squeezed tighter until he felt the dog beside him stir, panic doing the same deep in his heart. Pushing himself up, he nervously met his father's gaze only to flinch away once more. He hadn't seen him so angry in a long time.  
"I'm sorry-- I just wanted-" He wasn't really sure what he was saying and the tears stirring in his wide eyes were distracting him. He got unsteadily to his feet and stood in front of his bed guiltily, feeling bigger that way, like he could better protect his beloved pet. However, it only managed to bring him within arms length of his father. A soft cry left the child as his jaw was gripped between rough fingers and the tears spilled forth once he was forced to meet his father's ire filled gaze.  
"I told you no, and you did it anyway. Your mother and I work hard, even harder _now_," thanks to his furry little problem that had nothing to do with Romulus, "and this is what you do to thank us? Bring mutts into our house? Waste our food?" His voice remained calm the entire time, and it was this that struck fear deeper and deeper into Remus's tight chest. His jaw hurt, he was sure a bruise had already formed under those powerful fingers, and his shirt was dampening from the tears dripping off his chin.  
"I'm s-sorry, Daddy… I didn't mean-- I-I love him a lot, though, a-and…" He so desperately wanted to keep him. He wanted Romulus around until the day he died. Romulus made everything better. Remus's eyes pleaded desperately as they swam in their salty tears. If only it had been his mother to walk in; she would have let him keep Romulus. Where would he go if he left? What about his sick belly?

Before Remus had a chance to voice any of these concerns, however, his father was growling in his face, telling him that he didn't care, that the dog was leaving. Remus felt his heart plummet to his feet.  
"P-please, I promi-" But his father was finished discussing it. Casting the boy aside with an awkward twitch of his hand, one that jarred the boys neck and caused his crying to increase, Mr. Lupin came upon the puppy in question, cowering on his son's bed. With a strong hand, he grasped the skin on the creatures neck and lifted it from the bed. A pitiful howl left both Romulus and Remus almost simultaneously.  
"You-you're hurting him! Let h-him walk--" Remus scurried after his father, blind by tears and terror, his hands grasping at the man's to try and pry them away from his poor puppy's neck.  
"_Enough!_" Violently shaking his son off, Remus's father ripped open the front door and heaved the whimpering dog through. Romulus let out a horrifying cry of pain as he toppled down the steps, and within five seconds, he was racing out of the yard and down the street.

Remus cried for days.

--

And that is the story of how Remus Lupin fell in love with Sirius Black. It hadn't been until he saw the boy's animagus that he realized just how attractive he really was. Perhaps it was his barking laugh, or all that wavy hair. Maybe it was the appealingly white canines that flashed when he smiled, or the way he seemed to growl when he was angry. Whatever it was, Remus was hot for it.

He enjoyed their friendship very much, yes, but something in him yearned for more. He wanted to touch that soft hair, to kiss those smiling lips. He wanted the sweet companionship he had once gotten a tantalizing taste of. He wanted to feel a warm body next to him while he slept, the comfort of the rising and falling of a living ribcage, fighting away his nightmare. He wanted to feel loved.

He hadn't wanted anything this much since he was six-years-old.


End file.
